Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
it was like having sex with a tree stump
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There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
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Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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