Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
