So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
And then my night got REAL pukey
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
