You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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