It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
