My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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