THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
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And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
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My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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