We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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