dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
