Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize