He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
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Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
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WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.