I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.