pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn