Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar