Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.