apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low