it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
