My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?