I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.