i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you