So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner