If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.