Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?