The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
