Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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