Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
