The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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