He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
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I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
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I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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