my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.