it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.