Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.