i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
