please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
