They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
