he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
