How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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