After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
