Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Randomize
