are you so shy because you have an std?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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