I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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