Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
