I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature