respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one