what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
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If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
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You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina