goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.