Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.