you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
