I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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