Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
if only i could text you this smell
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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