I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
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As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
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I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
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