Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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