I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
