Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i dont even know how to be here
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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