i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i wish my penis had a tongue
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
