Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
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He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
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I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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