I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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