i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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