i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize