1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
