apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
