Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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