i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
