There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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