So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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