I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
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Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
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I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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