White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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