I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
